Who we are
by chocolove-n-music
Summary: Merlin dares himself to show his true self to Morgana. He never anticipated her reaction but what more could he ask for? The obstacle they face to save their love and magic are insatiable but they will also learn to accept who they truly are and love and magic are two very powerful elements. The title probably doesn't suit, sorry about that I'm bad at picking titles.
1. Chapter 1

Merlin/Morgana

**This story probably takes place around when Morgana was still good, Uther was still alive and forever hating magic and Arthur questions the uses of magic (I'm trying to catch up with the series, so I'm not sure if he did question the uses of magic. Let's just say he does for the sake of this story. In here, Morgana knows she has magic. **

**Summary: **_**Merlin dares himself to show his true self to Morgana. He never anticipated her reaction but what more could he ask for? The obstacle they face to save their love and magic are insatiable but they will also learn to accept who they truly are and love and magic are two very powerful elements. **_

**I may not follow the episodes completely but this is fanfiction after all. This story is multi-chaptered (I want to write it in one chapter but I feel like it could be confusing plus it's 1 am plus here and I'm done with this chapter so I decided to just post it up) **

**Sorry for any grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. English isn't exactly my first language and I'm still practising. Feel free to leave a review and tell me what you think. **

**Enjoy!**

**I do not own Merlin. **

Morgana sat in her chambers; it was in the middle of the night, she was just afraid to fall asleep nowadays. The sleeping draught was to be delivered to her every night to ease the nightmares but tonight, Gaius or Merlin was late. She got off the bed topped with silk sheets and fluffy pillows. Her night dress fell against her body in the most comfortable manner. Her steps were light as Morgana made her way to Gaius' chambers. When she had gotten there, the door was slightly open and she could hear Gaius and Merlin talking, more like yelling.

"She's afraid, can't you see?" Merlin's voice raised a tone higher.

"But your destiny would not allow it," Gaius replied with his typical stern voice.

"Please, Gaius, don't you think she deserves to know?" Merlin was whispering now. Morgana had trouble making out the last sentence but she could understand it fully.

Hesitantly, Morgana knocked on the wooden door lightly. The two men had stopped arguing. She didn't dare move but she could hear Merlin whispering something to Gaius which earned no sound of reply. Morgana jumped when the door opened to reveal Merlin. He stepped out and closed the door.

"Can I…um… talk to you?" Merlin looked at Morgana with his piercing blue eyes.

"Sure,"

Merlin looked down at Morgana's hand and she could see his own hand was extended slightly. She was confused but she took it anyway. She trusted him; she always had ever since they became so close to each other. Like Gwen to her, Merlin was also a friend. Though there are days when she could have treated Merlin as much more. It wasn't that there was no feeling but imagine, the king's ward with a servant? It could never happen, but how she wishes that she could make it happen. When they were alone, they act like lovers, but there was never any sort of physical contact, but he could make her feel safe and warm just by his words.

They walk in silence to the caves under the castle. Despite the awful piercing silence, Merlin never let Morgana's hand go. Instead he held on tighter. Then he stopped. He dropped her hand and gestured her to sit on a medium sized boulder. He stuck the burning fire into the ground.

"How are you feeling?" he asked quietly.

"Rather confused, actually," she said truthfully.

"Sorry,"

"No it's okay… I couldn't sleep anyway,"

Merlin took a deep breath before exhaling sharply. Honestly, he was afraid. Afraid of her reaction for what he was about to do.

"Morgana, you're not alone, I know you're afraid, but you're not alone,"

"What do you mean?"

Merlin held out a clenched fist before chanting a spell. His eyes turned gold which earned an audible gasp from Morgana. He opened his palm to reveal a small fire burning on the palm of his hand.

"You have magic!"

Merlin nodded. He waited for a reaction, he waited for her to scream, he waited for her to run to Uther to tell him, but she didn't. Instead she stared into the small flickering fire in his hands, eyes not filled with fear but with adoration. A small smile graced her lips before her green eyes looked up at him, her smile grew larger.

"You have magic, Merlin!" she claimed happily, standing on her two feet.

Merlin couldn't help but smile along with her. He extinguished the fire and came closer to her. The happiness in her face made his heart so warm with the magic that grew within him. He knew it; he knew she could be helped. Unexpectedly, Morgana threw her arms around him. Merlin, shocked for a moment, recovered and wrapped his arm around her, tightening his grip around her. Morgana often forget, maybe because of his lanky stature, that Merlin was stronger than he looks. For a moment in time, Morgana feels safe and… loved?

She could feel his lips pressed onto her crown. Could it be? She let go and looked up to see tender blue eyes, beautiful tender eyes that told her she was not alone anymore, that she was safe as long as he was there to protect her. A smile beautified his façade, but it was not his usual boyish grin, it was a genuine smile.

"You're so lovely," he whispered.

The fire within her began to ignite. She could feel the strength of her magic, swirling, painting a passionate masterpiece for the man that stood before her, the warlock that had greatness awaiting him, and she knew that.

Her body pushed itself against his without her consciously being aware of it, but it wasn't an intimidating move; it was a silent permission for him to hold her close once more. His response was one she did not expect. He leaned into her till his lips touched hers softly. She would have pushed him away but it felt too good to let go. In did not matter, if this was destiny, she accepts it completely with an open heart.

-}-

The Lady Morgana awoke that morning in her bed. Odd, she did not remember coming here after the night's event. Gwen came in her chambers, chipper as always. Morgana, too, was happy, a little happier than she ever had been. Gwen looked at her as if she had grown two heads over night but why hide the happiness she felt? In the throne room, Arthur and Uther, too, noticed the change in Morgana's mood.

"You seem to be in a good mood," Arthur commented after nodding at Merlin who had poured another cup of water.

"What? Oh, I feel so blissful today, Arthur," Morgana smiled as she looked out the window. The sun was in her favour today, it shined brightly, it radiated her happiness.

"Is this because of a dream you had?" he asked again.

Morgana looked at Arthur but paused for a moment, before continuing with, "Yes, a dream that will come true,"

"You've never been such a dreamer before, Morgana, but it's nice to see you smiling," Uther remarked while taking a sip of his water.

-}-

Merlin visits her often at night. It went on for months now. Every night it ended with a kiss and parting goodbye because they were to be Lady and servant by the crack of dawn.

It was a night before Merlin was to go with Arthur to help a village miles from Camelot to solve a raging problem of thieves and bandits. It was dangerous everyone knew that but Morgana knew of Merlin's destiny. She knew he needed to be there for Arthur. He leaned against the wall by her door while she spoke behind it, a small opening of the door to allow her voice to pass through. It was like this every night.

"Be careful," she said.

"I will,"

Morgana was quiet for a moment. She was worried, very worried. Thieves and bandits were very dangerous people and to have 30 to 50 of them coming at you, your chances of death is very high. Morgana did not want to lose Camelot's knights and Arthur but mostly she did now want to lose her lover.

"Hey, I'll be safe,"

The door open and a hand pulled Merlin in. Merlin stumbled in then regained his balance. In front of him stood a teary but strong Morgana.

"You could die," her voice wavered but a bit of anger was hinted.

"I've got magic,"

"You can't use it without risking Arthur seeing,"

"If it means I can come home to you…"

"Don't put yourself in risky positions for me,"

She wanted to walk away but he pulled her hand and pulled her close.

"I'm sorry," he kept whispering it into her ear.

He held her close and tight so she could not let go. She relaxed soon and he carried her to the bed where they stayed in each other's embrace for a little longer. He stroke her wave of dark locks as she stared into nothing.

"Merlin?"

"Yes?"

"Do you love me?"

The question was unexpected. Merlin stopped all of his movements and sat up. He took her hand in his and gave her the answer she wanted to hear, the answer that came from his heart.

"I really do love you so much" he declared. It was loud and clear, it was enough to let her know that he was not lying and he was not only saying it to ease her soul. It was the truth and it was time she knew. He searched the pocket of his pants and held the object in his fist before looking up at her.

"Before I leave, promise you will take care of this for me?"

"I promise,"

He opened his fist to reveal a small ring resting against his calloused palm. The ring was nothing fancy, just a band made of silver lined with gold. Tiny flowers were encrusted onto the surface to give it texture and design. Merlin had made it himself.

"One day, I will marry you," he said as he slipped the ring onto Morgana's left fourth finger.

It was not a question, it did not need to be because it was a promise from a man to the woman he loves dearly. That night they made sweet magical love to each other. There were no regrets, just the feeling of fervent love for each other.

Merlin slipped away from his beloved before she woke at dawn, leaving a short letter as her simple reminder. That was the only thing he regretted, leaving her without a proper goodbye, but the night's event (which made Merlin blush violently in the morning, Arthur continued demanding what made the young servant to be so flush this morning) felt like a proper farewell.


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow, the amount of emails that flooded my phone was unbelievable! I've never received so much email from fanfiction over a story before, thank you all you have no idea how my day had been made over those emails. I'm happy that some of you are enjoying this story so far. **

**I believe this chapter involves more Gwen/Morgana communication. And the grammar… I did my best with the amount of knowledge I have. Sorry if this chapter isn't as good as the last though. **

**I meant to post up this chapter the day after Chapter 1 but I was busy with preparations (I'm on holiday here) so it took a while. **

The door opened and in came Gwen. She was about to greet the lovely Lady Morgana when she heard a retching sound coming from the bed. She turned quickly to see Morgana bent over a steel pitcher.

"My lady!" she rushed to Morgana's side at an instant.

"Gwen…"

Morgana's face showed how weak she truly was. Her back was arched forward and her shoulders never eased as she began dry heaving. Gwen rubbed circles onto her back, pulling her dark locks back and wiping the sweat that dripped down her forehead. Morgana stared off into space after Gwen took away the pitcher to clean it.

_It can't be. _

Her next move was to go to Gaius for assistance, for answers that she so desperately needed. Gwen had fixed her bath and as she soaks herself for a while, she asked Gwen to sit by her. Gwen was a very loyal servant but Morgana has never seen her as just a servant girl, Gwen was her best friend, one of the very few friends she had. With Gwen by her side, Morgana spilled everything.

"Gwen, please accompany me to see Gaius," Morgana asked as Gwen helped her tighten the dress.

"Of course,"

They silently walked to the physician's quarters. Their footsteps echoed loudly, or so Morgana felt it did. The truth was, Morgana was afraid of the news that would soon be brought to her. She had a hunch on what was wrong but she needed a confirmation, a sense of relief off the tension that was building within. Gaius was fixed over his table, reading a book when Morgana had come in with Gwen following her from behind.

"Gaius, I need your help,"

He looked up at her with the sombre face he usually wears during a serious event. Gaius had taken a while to accept Morgana as Merlin's one true love but he was an understanding man. Gaius had been helpful with advice and answers to questions she couldn't decipher. They became very close and Merlin smiled every time he finds her seeking guidance from Gaius. He had been very helpful with ways to control her magic.

Requesting for a private chat, Morgana was brought to Merlin's empty room. She sat on his bed before looking at Gaius with the nervous facial expression she had been wearing all morning.

"What's wrong, Morgana?"

Explaining to him that she had been feeling sick to the stomach all morning was easy, explaining to him what she thought could have caused it was another problem. She did not want to explain the events of the night before, it would have been too embarrassing.

"Have you and Merlin done anything?"

Morgana looked away nervously. _Why do you need to hide it? Just tell him! _Her inner voice chastised.

"Morgana, I need to know, you have the same symptoms as the disease that is circling Camelot,"

There is a disease that has spread across Camelot within a couple of weeks. It is believed to have been caused by dark magic and the group of bandits that is terrorizing the village Merlin and Arthur had gone is believed to be a group of some rogue magic users. It became Uther's concern when the villagers began to complain to him one by one on a daily basis ever since it began. Two people had already died from it. If the king's ward is suffering from the disease, magic will never be forgiven.

"Did you do anything with Merlin?" Gaius asked again but this time, his voice urged her to tell the truth.

She looked at him then answered meekly, "Yes,"

Gaius sighed, "I will need to do a test then to be sure,"

The anticipation of waiting for the results could almost kill Morgana before she even gets an answer. Wringing her fingers together, Morgana sat nervously on the bed. She had called Gwen in when Gaius went out to run the tests. Morgana was also contemplating on whether to tell Gwen the truth or leave it be a secret that no one will ever know. The thoughts that ran within the walls of her mind were beginning to give her a headache.

"You should lie down," Gwen said.

Morgana did as she was told with no argument. She was on Merlin's bed, the pillow smelled like him. She stroked the crisp white sheet and stared into nothingness.

"Do you miss him?" Gwen asked, sympathy coloured her voice.

"Yes, how I wish he was here, Gwen,"

"He'll be fine you know,"

"I hope so," _If your theory is correct, don't you think she has the right to know?_ Her inner voice asked, "Gwen?"

"Yes, my lady,"

Morgana sat up with help from Gwen. She took both of Gwen's hands and squeezed it tightly.

"When I tell you this, can you promise not the run away or have a different perspective of me?"

"Whatever it is, Morgana, it can't be that bad,"

She took a deep breath before letting go slowly, "I've got magic,"

Gwen gasped. Morgana looked at her with fear so visible in her eyes. She knew the risks after telling this but Gwen was her friend, she wouldn't turn against her, would she? Gwen's face visibly fell into a state of shock. Immediately, the feeling of guilt washed over Morgana. What had she done? Then her face changed, it slowly grew into a small smile. Gwen's hand took Morgana's and held it tightly.

"It makes no difference, my lady; you are still my friend,"

Morgana could cry from the relief that overwhelmed her. She and Gwen shared a hug but soon broke apart when the door opened. Gaius stood at the door with a slight smile. She had been getting a lot of that lately. Gaius came in with slow long strides and motion for Gwen to go but Morgana revealed that she knew. His face showed no surprise so he just stood at the foot of her bed.

"You're pregnant, Morgana," he said.

The two women smiled at each other. Gwen hugged Morgana to show her happiness for her best friend.

"How I wish Merlin is here to know this," Gaius said, "I know he would be so happy,"

"Would he be, Gaius?" Morgana questioned, uncertain.

"Of course, all he ever thinks about is you and your wellbeing,"

The small piece of information made Morgana smile genuinely. Yes, how Gaius wishes Merlin was there to see her and her glowing happiness.

"But, Morgana, your pregnancy would not be normal,"

The foetus was two magic combined into one. It was strong and it was rapidly growing. Morgana's magical nature was also assisting in the growth of the baby which is making it grow at a much faster pace than a normal baby. When asked when the baby would be fully grown, Gaius had told her to give it 9 weeks. 9 weeks! A pregnancy cut short to 3 months. Morgana felt afraid but with Gwen there reassuring her, the fear subsided for a little bit.

"But there is a problem, you will keep growing every day, Uther and Arthur will find out about you and Merlin,"

"We have to come up with something to hide myself from them for 3 months,"

"We could use the disease as distraction," Gwen suggested.

"We could use the disease as an excuse!" Morgana exclaimed.

"That could work because it is infectious after all, no one is allowed to see them but me because I've got a potion mixed to strengthen my body from its magic,"

"That is perfect,"

-}-

"What do you mean I can't see Morgana? She is my ward!" Uther shouted at Gaius.

"I am not allowing you for your own welfare, sire, Camelot cannot be controlled with a sick king on the throne," Gaius looked pointedly at Uther. His gaze turned to Gaius who seemed to understand his court physician's logic.

"Please, sire, even Guinevere is not allowed to see her, the risk is too high, it's very infectious,"

"Then how are you able to see her and not get infected?" the King questioned.

"I've consumed an immunity draught I've concocted for the past week; it lowers the risk but needs to be consumed days before coming in contact with the patient,"

Uther nodded understandingly. His stiff movements gave off different signs but he left eventually. Gaius returned to his chambers to find Gwen tending to Morgana. It had been 6 days since the pregnancy was made aware of and Morgana's body had obviously responded to it very well. Her stomach was now a small bump, the curve was not very noticeable but it could raise questions. The rate of growth of the foetus was still unknown but Gaius assured Morgana that it would only be days before he could truly know.

Morgana's slept in Merlin's bed for the past 6 nights. It assured her, made her feel secure and safe to be where he lies every night. He may not be there but she could just feel him, almost. Each day that had passed them, Morgana's worry grew and questions filled her mind, endlessly disturbing her. Is he okay? Will he return home? Has anything happened to him? Will he ever find out about the child she was bearing? This was the first time Morgana had been so far away from her lover, they had never been separated for such a long period of time. She misses him.

"Gwen," Gaius called out.

"I'll be back, my lady," Gwen bowed respectfully before leaving the room.

She approached Gaius' side and looked at him with questioning eyes.

"You're not supposed to be here because Morgana is so called infected with the disease, Uther is being very strict about this but if you wish to come around, I suggest you follow the other way, not the usual front,"

"Alright," Gwen smiled at the old man.

"Oh and Gwen,"

"Yes?"

"At this early stage, Morgana will need someone to communicate with at all times,"

"I'll be more than happy to accompany Morgana, Gaius,"

"But remember to be careful, Uther has eyes everywhere,"

Gwen nodded understandingly before returning to Morgana. She had a very dazed look. The sky outside was beginning to darken, dusk called, the day was coming to an end and Gwen knew very well what Morgana had in her mind. Merlin…

**I hope this chapter was good. Chapter 3 will be up in a few days I hope. **

**I do not own anything. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everyone! Chapter 3 now! Yay! **

**Okay, honestly, if anyone's been through my stories, I don't there's any story with at least more than 2 chapters. I just enjoy writing this story so much and the storyline has been planned in my head for quite some time, so I thought 'Hey, why not write it down now that exam is finished and holiday is here?' Voila. **

**Again, sorry for any grammatical or spelling error. **

**Alright, enough author's note. **

**Enjoy!**

**I do not own anything. **

10 days.

It had been ten days since Arthur and Merlin's departure. Their safe return (the prince's safe return) had become a part of everyone's prayer and hope. The people of Camelot were worried but not many showed it much but each one of them continued their daily routine, Camelot needed them to survive. The environment of the castle had never been tenser than it already was. Uther continued to pace the throne room on a day to day basis, expressing his hatred towards magic. People kept dying from the disease that has yet to have a treatment. To make matters worse, Morgana has also been "infected" by the disease.

Gwen began sewing dresses to fit Morgana's growing size. The beauty of pregnancy was working wonders to Morgana's already radiant splendour. It was the magic; it was slowly working with her body, becoming one with her body to create something much more than it already was. The baby, Gwen predicted, would be a gorgeous one. Her steps were quick but she was careful not to be seen by anyone entering the court physician's chambers. In her hand she held a satchel containing dresses of various colours, hand sewn by her.

Just as she opened the door, Gwen could see Gaius held a book with a look of concentration on his face.

"Morning, Gaius,"

The physician looked up and smile, "Ah, Gwen, good to see you,"

"You too; Is Morgana awake?"

"Yes, she is, go on," he gestured to the door.

Gwen went into the room after knocking and being allowed in. Morgana was sitting on the bed, dressed and a cup in hand. Upon seeing her best friend, Morgana stood and made her way to Gwen. The two women made their way to the bed. Gwen took out the dresses to show Morgana.

"Oh, Gwen, they're lovely!"

"Really, they are?"

"Yes, absolutely,"

Just then, the two heard the bell tolling loudly.

"The prince has returned!" someone had shouted.

Morgana and Gwen looked at each other before heading for the door.

"No my lady, you must stay here, pregnant, remember? If Merlin is up there, I will bring him here quickly,"

"Right, thank you, Gwen,"

Gwen ran out quickly, almost running into Gaius.

"Oh, sorry, Gaius, but I must go see if Merlin is up there!" she yelled as she ran out.

Gaius just shook his head with a smile.

-}-

Gwen stood over the steps overlooking the knights, each one were leading their horses to servants coming to their aid. Each one of them looked as if they have yet to get any sleep or any proper food to eat but nonetheless, each one had put on a brave face. Prince Arthur's cape was torn from the bottom onwards, _it will surely be unfixable_, Gwen thought. Her eyes still search for the dark haired boy but he has yet to be seen. Gwen's heart began pounding uncomfortably. He has to be here, he can't be sacrificed at the battlefield, he's far too strong and intelligent. Arthur's face showed mixed signals but it visibly showed that he was distressed.

"Do you need any help with that?" a voice asked from a distance.

Gwen turned her head to the stables. There, Merlin walked towards Arthur, taking his cape and armour. The sight of Merlin made Gwen feel so relieved from the weight that was beginning to settle itself on her shoulders. There was no sign of stress from Merlin but it was obvious that he was in pain. Despite that, Merlin still did his job. He took Arthur's horse and lead it to the stables but was given an instruction from Arthur before he headed to the stables. Gwen stared at Merlin for such a long period of time that the presence of Arthur beside her made her jump.

"Good to see you back, Prince Arthur," she said with a curtsy.

He nodded at her, taking off his gloves, "I've given Merlin a day off, he'll need the rest," he said before leaving.

Gwen made her way down the steps and ran towards the stables. Merlin had just tied Arthur's horse and put away the armour but kept the cape with him.

"Merlin, you're back!" Gwen greeted him with a cheerful smile.

"Hey, Gwen, I'm so happy I'm back, how's Morgana?"

The smile remained but Gwen took Merlin's hand and pulled him towards the castle, "Come and find out,"

She pulled him and they both ended up in a sprint towards the back door to Gaius' chambers. Everyone they passed seemed to give them and odd look but it didn't matter. Merlin, truthfully, was tired and his legs screamed painfully but he ignored it all to get to Morgana. He could rest beside her. Gwen leading him to Gaius' chambers had confused him for a moment. Why would they use this way anyway instead of the usual? Upon seeing Gaius, Merlin went to hug him. Gaius had wished his happiness to Merlin. Both Gwen and Gaius had an eager smile on each of their faces, it made Merlin curious.

"Why are you both looking at me like that?" he questioned.

Gwen pointed to the door that would lead him to his room. Merlin looked at it for a moment and began to step towards it slowly. He turned the knob and pushed the door, allowing it to open by itself. He drew in a sharp intake of breath when he sees Morgana standing in front of his bed. The first thing Merlin did was to take Morgana in his arms and hug her tightly, to feel her again was an extreme pleasure. Merlin felt Morgana push him a bit so he let go, looking at her with confusion. His first thoughts were that she had changed her mind about him, but she had taken his hand and looked at him with her eyes filled with love and joy. His hand was guided to her stomach and as he felt the small bump. His eyes dropped to his hand then looked up at Morgana's face again. Neither had spoken anything, so Merlin decided to break the silence.

"You're pregnant,"

"I am," she answered quietly.

Both were silent for a while before Merlin burst into laughter. He hugged her and let go to kiss her. His rough calloused hands cupped her face as he kissed her forehead, nose and finally, for a long time, her lips. Merlin and Morgana were lost to the world and had to be brought back by Gaius coughing his way into their small bubble. The two turned to the old physician who had a smile on his face.

"Gaius she's pregnant," Merlin stated out of bliss.

"I know, Merlin,"

Merlin turned to Morgana and held her face in one of his hands, "You're so much more beautiful,"

"It's magic," Gwen voiced out.

"Magic, what? Nonsense, ha…ha…" Merlin said nervously, earning and eye roll from Gwen and Morgana.

"She knows," Morgana whispered to him.

"Oh… Wait, I've only been gone for 10 days, and we only…did it…" Merlin blushed deeply, "That night, how is it you seem like you're pregnant for 2 months?"

Gaius sighed, "You should sit,"

**Alright, I'll leave it at that. It's almost 2 a.m. here and I should be sleeping actually. I shall continue with chapter 4 tomorrow. **


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm sure I left the last chapter hanging. Thank you for the reviews, it makes my day, literally, it always puts a smile on my face. **

**Well, on with the next chapter. **

**I own nothing. **

"This is amazing," Merlin breathed.

He sat on the bed, staring of into space with the look of amazement on his fair façade. Gaius had just explained to him about the foetus' term and how the baby would turn out. The back story was also explained so Merlin would know what to answer to Arthur. Morgana watched Merlin carefully to see his every reaction. She was unsure of what she seeks, maybe she was afraid to see a small negative reaction but Merlin was all smiles and sparkling eyes, Morgana felt her heart swell with unexplainable happiness.

"Unlike any other normal pregnant women though," Gaius started, "Morgana wouldn't have the normal mood swings whatsoever, lucky you Merlin,"

Merlin just wore his goofy grin.

"Oh, and I wanted to give him hell," Morgana joked, poking Merlin at his side.

"You're already enough to handle, love," he took her hand and kissed it, looking into her eyes.

She smacked his arm playfully but leaned into him after. Upon this small gesture, Gaius got up and excused himself, saying he has more work to be done. Gwen did the same; she smiled at the two who were obviously beginning to become lost in their own little world. She closed the door behind her and sat on one of the chairs by the table. They both knew Merlin and Morgana wouldn't be spending some time alone for too long, Merlin had injuries that needed to be treated but Gaius thought it was best to treat the knights first. He took his bag and headed to the throne room where the knights would be, Uther would want to congratulate them for a job well done. Gwen went with Gaius to assist him.

-}-

"How is Morgana, Gaius? I heard she was infected," Arthur asked as Gaius cleaned the wound on his shoulder.

"She is maintaining a stable condition,"

"Will she recover?" there was worry in his voice but not very visible.

"She will, I promise that,"

Arthur simply nodded. Gwen looked at him for a moment. She took a cup and poured water into it. She was hesitant for a moment, pausing over the tray before finally turning to face Arthur. He was steps away from her and Gaius had left to help a knight who suffered injuries on his leg near his knee. She forced herself to walk to the Prince. Arthur had a serious face, it looked rather menacing but Gwen knew he was just tired. She didn't speak; Gwen just held the cup towards Arthur who looked at it with the corner of his eyes. Arthur turned his head fully to face the servant girl who was offering him water. He looked at her, really looked at her; it began to make Gwen feel rather uncomfortable, and relief washed over her when he took the cup quickly. She turned to walk away but Arthur stopped her.

"Wait!"

Gwen froze in place, turning to Arthur stiffly.

"Thank you," the Prince nodded his head at her.

"Oh…um…you're welcome," she curtsied quickly before walking away.

Prince Arthur looked at the servant girl leave him to sit by himself while his knights whined and groaned in pain. He rolled his eyes; it was a small battle, they could have taken down the bandits easily if they were prepared properly. His men were still too weak, Arthur realized. His hands fiddled with the brass cup as he stared into nothing for a moment before letting his eyes fall to the clearness of the water. It glinted from the sunlight that streamed through the windows of the throne room. Arthur drank about three quarter of the amount of water given before splashing the remaining over his head. The cool water felt refreshing.

"Arthur," Uther's familiar deep voice called out.

Arthur turned to his father who took slow strides towards him, "Father,"

"Well done, ridding the village of the bandits,"

"Thank you,"

"You shall rest today, you've made me proud," Uther said as he walked away.

Arthur looked at the King he calls father walk away out of the throne room. He also had stood up; Arthur took his shirt and thanked Gaius for treating his shoulder injury and other small cuts and wounds before leaving for his chambers. He would have wanted to visit Morgana but he knew it was too risky. The walk became quite a productive activity, Arthur cleared his mind off the stress of losing some men and was glad for the things he still had, his man servant and best friend (though he will never admit it), Merlin, his friend and sister, Morgana and maybe a certain servant girl.

After throwing himself into the comfort of his bed, Arthur found himself slowly drifting away into the world of peaceful sleep.

-}-

Night fell upon Camelot, the dark midnight blue sky draped over the kingdom with the stars shimmering brightly. The city had quietened, everyone had returned home from a hard day's work, each spending time with their families but some were alone, content but alone. It had been a day of celebration, the Prince had returned safely to them and the villagers knew, their prayers were answered.

Morgana's hand rested on her stomach. She breathed out of contentment, her shoulders relaxing and her back muscles eased. There was a small movement coming from inside her, it nudged her stomach. Morgana, shocked but overwhelmed, sat up straight and looked at her growing stomach. Her baby had moved, it really is there inside her. Merlin had come in the room after his bath, smelling like cinnamon and flowers with hair still yet to dry properly. He was greeted by the sight of Morgana stroking her stomach; she was in the blue dress he had last seen her in.

"Morgana?"

"Merlin! I felt it," she said, awe coloured her voice.

"You felt…?"

"It had moved in me, well a bit, more like a little push but it still moved,"

"That is incredible!" Merlin sat beside Morgana quickly, "Is it still moving?"

"No, it's stopped for a while now,"

The two united lovers stayed on the bed, talking and sharing small kisses and hugs. Merlin wrapped his arms around Morgana as her head rested on his shoulder at the base of his neck, her hand played with the collar of his shirt. The bed could only have one person sleeping on it, so Merlin had persuaded Morgana to allow him to sleep on the floor. It took a long while to persuade her but he managed somehow.

"I missed you," Merlin said quietly.

Morgana tilted her head up slightly, enough to look at him, "I feared you would never return back to me,"

"I'll always return to you,"

Merlin kissed the top of Morgana's head, taking her hand into one of his. Their hands rested above where his heart should be, Morgana's palm felt each beat.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" Merlin asked, his voice was just above a whisper.

"Why wouldn't he be?"

"Uther," the one name made Morgana tense. Merlin stroked her arm softly as a way to get her to ease her tension.

"He will be okay," Morgana said with the tone Merlin knew so well, she means what she is saying and she knows the consequences is something goes wrong.

"How do you know if he's a he?" Morgana suddenly asked, curious.

"I'm just guessing, it doesn't have to be a he,"

"I'm okay with any gender because it will still be yours,"

"And yours,"

Merlin nudged Morgana softly, prompting her to sit up. As she sat up, Merlin moved to his makeshift bed on the floor.

"You should sleep," he said.

"I'm not the one who just came back from a war," she played with his hair. Her hands caressed his cheeks before she gave him a long awaited kiss.

"Good night," Morgana wished him as he lay down.

Merlin stared at the ceiling, beige and cracked as it had always been since he had come to Camelot. The amount of cracks increased though. The memories from the village return, Merlin flinched; he doesn't want to remember the bodies, the faces masked with fear and false bravery. It was a horrible nightmare, magic was involved and he ever so nearly risked revealing his true self to Arthur, to everyone, but somehow, he had managed.

The pain in his lower back had returned and his right leg began to become painful. Gaius was unsure if it would leave a permanent injury or not but he said the scar would take a very long time to heal and that Merlin needed to be careful with the scar, it could still open up and bleed if the skin is shifted with too much pressure. He touched his side, feeling the bandage Gaius had put on. The bleeding was minimal but Merlin still needed to be very careful and Morgana doesn't know a thing about it and he planned to heal it before she finds out.

Merlin looked at the bed where his lover slept soundly. Locks of her raven black hair fell off the side, shining from the moonlight. He smiled, knowing he was lucky and fortunate; Morgana was everything he ever wanted and will be the only thing he needs to do anything. The night he left, the night he had made a proposal to her was the same night he promised himself that no harm would ever come to her. When he returned, to see the ring still on Morgana's hand had made him so indescribably happy; she wanted to be with him as he had wanted to be with her and now she carries his child, that was more than enough prove to Merlin that she truly loves him.

Ignoring the pain, Merlin turned to his not injured side and closed his eyes, finally getting the sleep he had been missing for 10 days.

**The end of chapter 4. I know this chapter was updated later than the others were and for that I am sorry. I've been busy with school and somehow, halfway through the chapter I was blanked on what to write, so really sorry if this chapter was a disappointment. **

**Besides that, I still get emails about this story and it still makes my day. Thank you for that! The support is very much appreciated. **


	5. Chapter 5

**This is chapter 5. **

**My holiday is done which means school has started. This also means slower progress in the story and may take a few days to update a new chapter but I'll try my best, really. **

**I hope this chapter does not disappoint and forgive any grammatical/spelling errors. **

**Enjoy!**

Merlin woke first the next day, just as the sun rose slightly above the horizon. His side began throbbing, a groan escaped his lips. Clutching his side, Merlin stood up and walked out quietly to not wake Morgana up. Gaius had just awakened, like him, and was just done with getting himself ready for the day. He greeted Merlin then warily looked at the young boy – man. Boy seemed thoroughly inappropriate to describe Merlin now considering that he was about to be a father in a couple of months. Merlin's face visibly showed pain. Gaius gestured to a chair before finding some herb and potion to ease the pain.

As he lifted his shirt and unwrap the bandage, it seemed as if the wound had opened up. Gaius asked if Merlin had a restless night, all he answered was he could not remember at all.

"I think I had a dream or a nightmare of sort…" Merlin said quietly, his expression seemed dazed and faraway.

"Do you remember what was it about?"

Merlin shook his head. He looked down at his hands; hands that has killed, hands that have conjured some of the strongest magic known but at the same time hands that has healed and show love. He flinched, Gaius had just dabbed some red coloured liquid to his side. The exposed flesh burned and made Merlin's side throb painfully. The feeling he felt was hot and cold, it burned for a few seconds then suddenly became cold in another; Merlin bit the inside of his mouth to keep from letting out any sound of pain. The hot-and-cold process repeated till the pain eased.

After checking if the bandage is wrapped up tightly and if the bleeding would not seep through, Merlin put on his blue tunic and went into the room to get his brown jacket. Morgana still slept soundly, her face peaceful, all worries and burden lost. Merlin kneeled down and looked at her for a moment, his hand stroke the top of her head softly. She let out a content sigh before her eyes opened slightly. Upon the sight of Merlin, Morgana smiled sleepily.

Merlin replied her smile with his own, "I'll be tending to Arthur's needs today; I'll be back soon, okay? Continue sleeping, love," he said, pressing his lips to her forehead.

Morgana nodded, "Bye,"

"Bye,"

-}-

"Morning, sire," Merlin came into Arthur's room, placing his breakfast on the table then went straight to the curtains and drew it open.

"Merlin," Arthur whined as the sunlight hit his eyes.

"Sorry, Arthur, you have to get up and don't make me drag you out of bed,"

Arthur got out of the bed reluctantly, eyes half closed, and went to the table and sat down lazily. Breakfast was a bun, two sausages, some chicken fillet and a few pieces of salad.

"How's your stomach?" Arthur asked as he bit into the sausage.

"Its fine; how's your shoulder?" Now merlin remembers another reason why he hadn't fixed his wound with magic; So that Arthur won't be suspicious of anything.

"Not the first time it got hit, I'm sure I'll survive," Arthur chewed slowly for a moment, neither spoke up.

There was very minimal conversation exchanged between the two. The only sound that could be heard was the sound of bed sheets shifting and cupboard being opened and closed. Each couldn't quite place the reason for the silence, it could have been the war, it could have been the plague or maybe even both but either way, neither complained or was uncomfortable with it. Just as Arthur was done with his meal and Merlin was about to leave the room with the dirty plate, Arthur spoke up.

"How's Morgana? Surely you would've seen her even for a bit,"

"She's doing well,"

"That's good, I guess," Arthur sat on his bed, looking away, "Besides my father, she's probably the closest person I have, always the sister I've never had, kind of quiet without her retorting my every statement,"

"She will be okay, Arthur, I know she will,"

"I hope so," Arthur lay on his bed again, staring at the roof of the bed.

Merlin knew where Arthur's thoughts had gone to. Deciding it was best to leave him be, Merlin left the room, his own memories coming to him. A lot of things that happened at the village refuse to leave his mind alone, it flashes in his head once in a while, making him feel uncomfortable and upset but he knew he had to ignore it to get rid of it sooner. The fast that he was fighting his own kind wasn't even the worse part; it was the fact that his own kind was causing such havoc, destruction and death that had hit him painfully in the chest. His destiny hung above his head and with the most recent events, he was not unsure of how he was supposed to fulfil his destiny to bring magic back to Albion.

His wound had suddenly made a sharp stabbing pain, making him fling himself into the nearest wall. Merlin's body shook with full force, his sights began to become blur and unfocused. No one was in the corridor, he was alone, hurting alone and no one will know till someone who would pass by the corridor sees. _Damned enchanted swords, _Merlin cursed in his mind. He slid against the wall, trying to take in as much air as his body needed. Sweat began forming on his forehead, dripping down his cheeks to the concrete ground.

There are days when Merlin wonders why he takes such strong blows for Arthur. That sword was swung towards Arthur's back, the masked man had it aimed straight at Arthur's backbone. Merlin pushed Arthur forward which earned him his wound. The sword sliced his skin about an inch and a half deep, deep enough to cause excessing bleeding. Merlin's action to push Arthur forwards caused Arthur's shoulder wound but it didn't matter to Merlin, it saved him from being paralyzed for life. Merlin wasn't supposed to fight but he needed to save his friend, the once and future King of Camelot. Arthur had a fit at the end of the day even through his injuries but Merlin ignored it in favour of sleeping. Arthur wasn't mad, he was just upset that he was saved by Merlin and the both of them got injured in the process.

Merlin breathed slowly, his nostrils flaring as the pain made his side throbbed stronger. He didn't move, couldn't move; All Merlin did was sit there, looking at the sunlight streaming through the window. His sweats began to dry up and soon the throbbing in his side subsided into a numbing pain. Merlin's leg still shook when he tried to stand so he chose to sit by the corridor again, his whole body felt weak and shaky.

"Guinevere, have you seen Merlin?" Merlin heard Arthur's voice echoed from the corridor at the corner.

"No, sire, is there something needed to be done?"

"No, it's just that… He's been gone for a while,"

That was true; Merlin watched the sunlight move higher and higher. If his calculations were correct, it would have been pass noon already, he had been gone since morning. When he tried to call out, he couldn't; it seemed as if his voice was stuck in his dry scratchy throat and it refused to let out any coherent voice. Arthur's heavy footsteps moved away and merlin only could assume that Gwen had gone with him. Merlin's eyes closed, tired and the pain has yet to subside and showed no sign of subsiding anytime soon. The surrounding felt too hot to him now, sweat beginning to form again, his hair plastered to his forehead. Merlin started his breathing exercise again. There was a slight shifting noise in the background.

"Merlin!" Gwen's voice echoed through the hallway, "Sire, Arthur!" she called out as she ran to Merlin.

Arthur ran to Gwen's direction. The sight of Merlin lying on the ground, limp and almost lifeless and paler than he had ever been, honestly made Arthur very worried and a little scared. Arthur noticed a patch of red on his blue shirt. Lifting up the shirt, both Gwen and Arthur looked at each other after seeing the sight of the blood.

"Merlin, stay up," Arthur commanded when he saw Merlin's eye lids began drooping.

"Can't… Tired…"

"Merlin, you stay with us, we'll get you to Gaius," Arthur helped Merlin stand with Gwen helping him; Merlin could barely support himself.

Merlin's breathing became shallow and his brain effectively shut down for a moment. His head dropped back as his body went limp; he was unconscious and Arthur tried to shake him awake.

"Merlin, stay with us, wake up! Merlin!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6! I know my updates are quite slow nowadays. I can't help that because I have exams to prepare for; writing is a form of stress relief. This chapter actually took me a while to think over. I wrote about 500 words before I thought I didn't like it, so I erased everything and rewrote it again plus writer's block didn't actually help either. **

**During my period of lack of ideas for this story, a new story plot came into my head so I wrote it down. It's also Merlin/Morgana, modern day, if some of you are interested, I could post it up if you like. It's a one-shot. **

**I listened to mostly sad emotional songs for this chapter:**

**Heart – Thomas Bergersen**

**Cut – Plumb **

**May It Be – Celtic Women**

**Everlasting – Two Steps from Hell**

**That's a few of them, you're welcome to listen to them but not necessary. Nice songs though. **

**Anywho, I hope this chapter did not disappoint. Pardon my grammar/spelling. Italics are Merlin's dreams/nightmares. **

**Enjoy! **

_His eyes wandered around the forest surrounding. It was green, as usual but it seemed today the shades were brighter, more pure. The trees that surrounded him were tall, majestic and ever almighty, the sunlight passed through the open spaces between the leaves. Blue eyes fell on a figure standing between the tall trees. Merlin stared at the shadow that was slowly moving towards him, its movement graceful and fluid. _

"_Merlin…" its voice called out at him. _

_He knows the voice. It was the voice of his lover, Morgana. Her voice was melodious, calling his name in a singing manner. It wasn't questioning, she was calling him over. _

_Her figure emerged into the light. Merlin felt his breath leave his lungs as the sight of her registered into his mind. She wore a white dress, sleeveless but very much modest, it contrasted almost to her fair skin. The long flowing dress accented her stature. Morgana's hair was in its usual style, wavy, shiny and black as the midnight sky. Half of it was pulled back he noticed. And last but not least, her eyes lit up as she smiled at him. _

"_Come on, you've been out for far too long," she chastised. Her hand extended out. _

_Merlin reached out to her, his paced picked up as he walked towards Morgana, her hands waited to be held by his own waiting hands. Just as Merlin was a little more than two steps away from her, Morgana gasped, a look of pain painted her façade. A sword pierced through her heart. The pure whiteness of the dress was stained with red. As Morgana fell to the ground, the warmth, the sunlight, everything had faded into dull and cold winter breeze took over as the snow began to form on the ground, creating a carpet of white. Everything turned cold and dark. _

"_No!" Merlin's shout echoed throughout the white forest. He ran to Morgana, falling on his knees as he carried her into his arms. _

_Angry eyes looked up to see a dark shadow, the sword he held gleamed as Morgana's blood fell against the white snow. The figure disappeared, almost as if he had just faded into the background. Merlin looked at Morgana again, her eyes locked with his as the pain surged throughout her whole body. She was dying, but not fast enough, Morgana was suffering from the pain and it was hurting her too much, her face showed so much. Seeing her pained face, Merlin was almost wishing she would just die already to release her from the pain. It was torturing her, the stab and it won't let her die…_

-}-

"Gaius, you have to do something!" Arthur shouted as he tried to restrain Merlin onto the bed he had put him in. 

"I can't, I don't know what is wrong with him!"

Merlin thrashed around on the bed, refusing to stay still, his face contorted into pain and he made noises of pain and it was as if he was trying to hold in a scream. Beads of sweat began to form on his forehead and the most that could be done was Gwen putting wet towel onto his forehead. Merlin's temperature began to rise awfully high, it began to worry Gaius.

"No…" Merlin let out a breathless word.

Gwen and Arthur looked at each other; each wore a look of worry and helplessness. Merlin began panting, as if he had run for miles and was completely out of breath.

"M…" he let out once more.

"What is he trying to say?" Gwen asked.

"Mor…"

"Gaius, is there nothing you can do now?"

"I can't do anything at the moment," Gaius looked at Merlin, "Merlin, can you hear me?"

Merlin just began to become completely restless, moving every possible second but not as exaggerated as before.

"No," he whispered. "No!" he shouted.

Gaius began to notice the candlelight began to dance a fiery dance, gaining size. Everything around the room seemed wrong, off, but Gaius knew Gwen and Arthur wouldn't be able to tell and for that he was glad. Merlin is too close to revealing who he truly is. He prayed hard that Merlin wouldn't do anything else but just as was about to pray once more, Merlin just yelled the unexpected.

"Morgana!"

A pot plant fell onto the ground, the ceramic pot shattering. Arthur stared at Merlin then at the broken pot. Merlin had just shouted Morgana's name, it made Arthur very suspicious and he believes he remembered seeing the pot in the middle of the table. Merlin had stopped thrashing violently and was now calm as he breathed normally again. It seemed as if he had fallen into deep sleep. His face smoothens into pure calm and peacefulness.

"Find him a cure, Gaius," Arthur said, seemingly not knowing what to do at the moment.

Arthur stiffly left the room, leaving a very worried Gwen and a very distraught Gaius. Gaius sat on the bed by Merlin's leg, letting out a heavy sigh of defeat.

"What have you gotten yourself into this time, Merlin?"

-}-

Morgana paced the room, anxious and uncomfortable. She could hear Arthur's voice outside the wooden door, shouting and demanding Gaius to do something for Merlin. Something had happened to Merlin and it was almost killing her inside not knowing what had happened to him. Merlin kept yelling 'no' to someone. Morgana kept pacing, restless, sitting down did her no good because in the end she kept standing and pacing. Just as she took another step, she could hear her name being shouted by the voice she would run a thousand miles for. Her heart beat faster; her eyes froze to the door. She wanted to escape the room, to see him and be by his side but Arthur was still outside.

There was a muffled voice before hearing the door close with a slight slam. Morgana opened the door slowly, peeking to see if it was clear to come out. She could see Gwen, dabbing a wet towel against Merlin's forehead and Gaius sitting by Merlin, a small bowl in hand. Upon the sight of an unconscious Merlin, Morgana pulled the door open completely.

"Gaius, what happened to him?" her voice shook as she fell by his side.

Gaius pulled up Merlin's shirt, revealing the wound he had attained from the battle. The gasp wasn't silenced, Morgana's eyes burned at the sight but she willed herself to look. Blood was oozing from the wound. It was an enchanted sword, Gaius said to her. The sword bearer had put an enchantment to make sure his victim either dies upon a single stab or suffer painfully and terribly if wounded with a cut as in Merlin's condition.

Gaius had Gwen and Morgana take Merlin's shirt off so that it was easier to work on him. Morgana didn't know about the cut yesterday because Merlin had never said anything.

Her dainty pale fingers stroke his black hair away from his forehead. She could feel his temperature; his body was burning up as if he had been put under the sun with metal plates surrounding him. Gaius had finished treating Merlin's wounds, leaving a fresh white cloth to cover the wound. Morgana stared at the slight pinkish shade that began to form on the surface of the cloth.

Morgana placed her palm against Merlin's pale face before planting a kiss on his forehead.

-}-

_Merlin woke with a gasp. His hands gripped the surface he had been lying on, it seemed soft yet sharp. He looked to his side to see greeneries surrounding him everywhere. Merlin sat up slowly, staring at the earth that surrounded him. This was beginning to become very peculiar, peculiar but not disturbing. He felt… warm. _

_Standing on his two bare feet, Merlin began to realize some things. One, he was wearing all white, a white cotton shirt with thin vertical stitches and white pants, two, the trees surrounding him towered over sky high. He began to walk into the forest. Every inch of dirt seemed to be covered by grass, soft grass that seemed to grow green and healthy. He could feel a strong magical aura surrounding him but he couldn't find the source. It was very strong and it was giving him more energy than he has ever felt, he felt so refreshed, so alive. _

_A slow smile began to grace his features, it was out of the blue, the smile was for no absolute reason but it never crossed his mind. All Merlin felt like doing was run. And so he did. His legs took him fast and faraway. Each tree flew by fast and the wind felt cooling and comforting against his skin, but the warmth of the surrounding was also welcoming. Merlin planned on running all day but he had stopped when a hovel came into sight. It seemed like a nicely well hidden home but there was a door. Merlin doesn't know why but he just knew what seemed like just the wall of the small hill was a door. Merlin stepped towards the door, allowing his hand to reach out for the knob. Instincts told him he was allowed to enter the small home. The knob was twisted and the door was swung open. _

_Merlin stood outside the door, his eye gazing the inside of the hovel. It was as he had predicted, it was a home, well decorated and furnished and so very clean. The sound of crackling wood was heard and there was a slight scent of fresh baked bread or sort hanging in the air. _

"_The greatest wizard has decided to come home," Merlin looked to his left._

_His eyes fell on Morgana, who sat on a bed. She stood and swayed towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck, a smile plastered to her face. _

"_Welcome home," she breathed before leaning in to kiss him. _

_He welcomed her supple lips gladly, his hands moving to her waist as he pulled her closer to him. She smelled like flowers, maybe jasmine or lavender or honeysuckle, she was a mix of many and fortunately for him, Merlin could distinguish each scent from the amount of knowledge he gained from working at the castle. He wanted to freeze the moment, to keep her close to him because Merlin felt as if he had been away from her for far too long. Why did it feel too long? He couldn't remember, but before he could think any further Merlin stopped himself. Right here right now, all he wanted was Morgana. _

**I'll leave this chapter at that. I hope this story isn't boring you guys, but I really really really REALLY appreciate the reviews I'm getting, it makes me feel like writing this story is worth it. Thank you thank you! **


	7. Chapter 7

**I know it took too long to upload this chapter up and really sorry for that! It's just that I've been suffering from writer's block I repeated a few of the paragraphs in this chapter about 2-3 times till I thought it was good enough. **

**I have a question, is this story getting boring or a bit off or confusing or anything? What do you guys think of this story so far? I'm just wondering that's all. **

**Again, I'm really happy for the reviews and the favourites and follows, all those seriously do make my day.**

**Alright, on with the story. Enjoy!**

Warm fingers tightened around cold pale ones, hoping the additional heat would allow the comatose man to warm up instead of the drastic drop in his body temperature. Morgana never left Merlin's side with the exception of a few moments. Gwen came in to check up on Morgana and make sure she ate and was in good shape. Morgana looked so torn and upset, Gwen felt so guilty despite the fact that she was not at fault. There has yet to be any sign of Merlin's awakening but Gaius had assured the two women that he would be okay.

Evening began to emerge; the sun casted orange glows to the sky making it seem like a summer evening. Morgana loved the view though; Merlin had always told her that she appreciates the small things in their everyday life. Her hands fell to her stomach, there was that little nudge again, faint but could be felt if focused properly. She had taken Merlin's hand and put it to where the nudge is.

"Can you feel that? That's our child reaching out to you,"

The reply of silence made Morgana choked on a sob. Her head slowly fell against his chest; the slow beating of Merlin's heart could vaguely be heard. In the loneliness of the room (Gaius had gone to treat patients), Morgana could feel the silence and the hurt weighing upon her. It was heavy and painful, in her mind she wonders why Merlin was the only one who seems to suffer so much for others. It seemed so unfair.

She must have fallen asleep to have been awakened by Gaius asking her to sleep in a bed. Morgana seemed to wordlessly comply with the older man. She returned to Merlin's bed but found that her attempt to sleep was becoming useless.

-}-

Green eyes stared at the door; the colour flickered between shades of light green to pure green to the magical gold. Vigilant pale fingers fiddle with the silver band that had a permanent place on the fourth finger of Morgana Pendragon's left hand. The moonlight casted a bright glow against her pale skin making it look porcelain white in the lightless room. Hair that matched the shade of the midnight sky was pulled up into a loose ponytail. The distress in her face was obvious, her lips quivered and eye bore worry and anger. Worry for her beloved and anger for the man that caused him to be this way.

Morgana had a feeling that it was past middle of the night. The sun would rise in a couple more hours. The magic within her body stirred like a tornado; the feeling it gave Morgana was overwhelming. It was new, the feeling was so very new and Morgana knew it wasn't her own magic that was creating this feeling. Her hands fell to her stomach; she could almost – almost! – feel the distress she felt affecting the baby.

And so for the next hour, all Morgana did was practice a breathing technique Gwen had taught her. She was told it would help calm her mind and soul. Breath in, hold and exhale. Morgana repeated it until she could feel her own heartbeat slow to a slow but normal tempo. With eyes closed, legs crossed and her back straight, Morgana thought of nothing but her baby – Merlin's baby – and wanting nothing but to put it in a state of tranquillity.

-}-

The sun's presence did not surprise Morgana; instead she waited for it by the window. Light green eyes watched as the sun burst past the high buildings of the castle, bright orange and majestic. The sky took a shade of purple and blue with a slight tinge of pink on the clouds. Nonetheless, it was a beautiful sight. Morgana listened well for any sign of Merlin waking from his unconscious state. Nothing.

She heard not the voice she wanted but it was surprising to hear this particular voice this early morning. Arthur had come to check if Merlin was awake and okay. Gaius reassured Arthur that Merlin would return back to them soon. A heavy sigh, Arthur truly does care for his manservant, more than he let on and definitely more than what he shows. Morgana had always known, Merlin is more than just a silly manservant to Arthur, he was a best friend. Arthur would never admit it aloud though, he's too proud for that. A dollophead Merlin once called him. Despite that, both she and Merlin know that Arthur is truly a good man deep inside, when he is not controlled by Uther.

Doors closed and a soft thud indicated Gaius had put something heavy of the wooden table out front. Morgana decided she was safe to come out of the room. Just as she had predicted, Gaius was sitting bent over a big leather covered book.

"Good morning, Morgana," Gaius looked up to greet her.

He took off his glasses and set them on the table, "Morgana, you look like you have yet to sleep, couldn't you sleep?"

"No, I had some… trouble," Morgana waved her hand to dismiss the topic with a weak smile.

Her eyes fell on Merlin, still lying on the bed, his position remained the same. She walked towards him slowly; her head doesn't feel well at all so she decided it was best to take things slow and easy today. Falling ill is what she least wanted now with Merlin being this way and a baby counting on her.

"How were the patients, Gaius?" she asked, making conversation.

"One died last night, two more infected," he explained, there was tone of gloom in his voice.

Morgana turned to him, "I'm sorry,"

"It was bound to come,"

"How are you feeling?"

Gaius shrugged, "Honestly, tired,"

The two shared a short laughter. Everyone was tired nowadays, the answer was expected. The smooth skin at the back of Merlin's hand was brought up against Morgana's just as equally smooth cheek. There was a trace of longing in her eyes. This was a longing to stop his suffering because deep down, Morgana knew well enough that Merlin wasn't just sleeping, it was hurting him somehow.

**Alright, I admit this chapter is shorter than the others, but it felt right to stop it there. I hope I can get chapter 8 up soon. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8! It's up!**

**Alright so the reviews I got were amazing so thank you for that. I'll try to keep the note short but I'm trying to fight writer's block so that I can write a good chapter so that I can post it up as soon as I can. Somehow, some of you had managed to figure out bits and pieces of my chapter 8 plot, well done. **

**I'm pretty sure some of you've noticed that this story does not follow the TV show's plot…at all. Just a heads up. **

**On with the chapter. Enjoy! **

The temperature drop made everyone worry once more. Temperature was becoming inconsistent and Merlin somehow still remains unmoved with a face that could pass off as him being only in a deep sleep, a deep peaceful sleep. Morgana's hand once in a while falls against Merlin's chest over his beating and there are times when his heart beat too fast, as if he had ran a marathon. The uneven beating of Merlin's heart is unhealthy and needs to be stopped immediately so Gaius explained who had gone out to find a proper cure.

It was nearly evening, Gaius has yet to return. Morgana watched Merlin breathe slowly, the rise and fall of his chest showed no sign of distress. Gwen came in the room after she had been relieved from her work. Keeping Morgana was her goal at the moment, Gaius had put that responsibility to her and she planned on taking care of her best friend properly. Merlin, she noticed, has yet to make any noticeable movement. Gwen cared for Merlin, he was like a brother to her and to see him in this state was painful. Changing Merlin's bandage was also a responsibility given to Gwen earlier by Gaius.

The white bandage was loosened to reveal a marring red cut. It would scar really bad once it heals properly. It was not as bloody as it was the day before but the wound was still too raw, too fragile. Gwen would need to be careful. Each dab of wet cloth against the wound was handled with so much care, Gwen feared if it would open up if it was pulled. Morgana watched her, helping to fold a new set of bandage to be wrapped around Merlin's abdomen later on.

"Do you think Gaius will ever find a cure?"

"He usually does, my lady,"

Morgana nodded. It had been a while since Gaius left, a million questions invaded her already preoccupied mind but Morgana tried to not think about it too much. There was too much to already think about, but Morgana tries to keep calm at every moment. The thought of her child growing inside her was always there and it seemed to be the only one thought that kept her at a state of serenity.

-}-

Gwen stepped into the corridor that would lead her straight of Arthur's chambers. In her hands was his dinner, he wanted to eat alone, in peace so his request said so. This wasn't her first time serving him but somehow it was still intimidating, the way he looks at her as he believes she had a secret to hide (which she does and that itself made her uneasy). Her knuckles met the wood, softly knocking on it to reveal her presence. Arthur's voice quietly calls her in. As Gwen entered, her eyes fell on the prince, leaning over the fire place, face showed many emotions.

"Set it on the table," he commanded, yet his voice didn't show any sign of superiority.

Gwen set the plate on the table, pouring water into a goblet and was about to leave before Arthur called for her.

"Guinevere," he turned to face her.

Gwen froze in place, but her face was composed, "Yes, sire?"

Arthur simply stared at her with such an indifferent facial expression. He went to the chair and sat, looking at his food. Gwen was confused, her mind contemplated on whether to stay or to go.

"What would you do when you know you've caused a family separation?"

"Um… Sorry, sire, but your question…"

"Merlin and I, we saw a tragedy and it was not the war," Arthur began to eat his food, slowly biting into it, "Morgana… She's like a sister to me,"

"I know that,"

"We saw something that just…just," Arthur waved his hand to find the right word, "tore us, our hearts ached,"

Gwen stepped closer to the table, leaning against the nearest chair.

"There was a teenage boy, fighting to protect his family, the bandits raided his home, dragging his family members out, his parents and one sister," Arthur's eyes lost focus on anything as the flashback invaded his mind, "One of the bandits was about to stab the boy but his sister defended him, she was killed… His cries…"

"And you thought of Morgana,"

"How it could be us, yes," crystal eyes, Gwen noticed. Tears were held back and would never fall, Arthur would never openly show such a vulnerable emotion especially not to a servant girl like her, "But I'm going to lose her anyway, aren't I? If not to a war, then to a plague,"

"She'll be okay,"

"How would you know?" Arthur grumbled, stabbing into his food.

"She said so herself, her progress is so well, she's isolated, Morgana has a chance to get through this,"

"You have a lot of faith,"

"I do,"

"We couldn't get the incident out of our heads, you know, Merlin and me; the boy, William his name, was brave, aged 16, defending his family like that, he loves his family and his sister, Lora obviously loved him too much to take a sword through the gut, she had a proper burial that night," Arthur looked at Gwen directly, "We could have saved her, seeing it happen right in front of our eyes…"

"I'm sorry,"

"Then Merlin, that idiot, decided to do the same for me, I'm mad at him because he could die and now I could either lose Morgana or Merlin or both, the sword was enchanted," Arthur wiped his mouth before roughly pushing the chair to stand by the window, looking out towards the dark night sky or Camelot.

"Merlin did it to save the future king of Camelot," Gwen left the statement hanging. It was her only reasoning with him. She took the plate, cleaned the table properly before leaving the room.

Arthur watched the back of Gwen as the servant girl left him to his solitude once more. _She truly is something else, _Arthur thought with a little admiration.

-}-

Gwen returned to Gaius' chambers to find Gaius experimenting with various plants on the wooden table. Morgana was in Merlin's room, resting because she was suffering from a terrible ache in her temple. Creeping into the room quietly, Morgana sat on the bed with her legs stretched in front of her with eyes closed. Tapping the pregnant woman's shoulders, Gwen sat by her leg as Morgana smiled at the presence of her best friend. She questioned why Gwen took a while to return back only to have Gwen retell her stories with Arthur to Morgana.

Morgana seemed touched to know how much Arthur truly cares for her. Requesting for some ink and a small paper, Morgana began to write a short letter addressed to Arthur. It was simple and quick but it explained how she felt at the moment, fine progress and slight pain in the head and gut but feeling rather at peace (which is not very far from the truth actually).

"Could you please pass this to Arthur in the morning?"

"How about now?"

"I don't want to trouble you…"

"It's alright, Morgana," Gwen took the paper and opened the door to leave, "Good night, my lady,"

"Good night, Gwen,"

-}-

The light tap on the door baffled him. Was he supposed to expect anyone at this time? Arthur reached for the door and opened it to find a smiling Gwen. She held a paper out to him, saying it was from Morgana. Arthur's face showed surprise but his hand reached for it quickly.

"Good night, sire," Gwen wished before walking away.

"Thank you, Guinevere,"

Gwen turned to nod at Arthur with a short but sweet smile before leaving the prince to read the letter. Arthur sat on his bed, unfolding the paper that was folded into half twice. The brownish paper had cursive handwriting decorating it from top to bottom.

_Arthur,_

_I'm sorry I have not been able to see you to wish you a welcome home. Do not worry about me for I will be okay. My recovery progress is doing quite well so Gaius says. I will see you again one day, do not fret, dear brother. Though when you do see me when I have fully recovered, please do not look at me any differently. _

_When I recover, we'll spar like we used to and I will still beat you at sword fighting. _

_Best wishes, Love,  
Morgana. _

Arthur smiled at the sword fight comment then returned his attention to the last sentence of her first paragraph. Do not look at me any differently, what did Morgana mean? The disease couldn't possibly have changed her, it was impossible. He would need to consult Gaius in the morning. For now, Arthur keeps the letter by his bed before turning in.

-}-

_Mist and ashes swirl together beneath her feet. It was too dark to see but she knew her environment was a forest, deep inside it. The scent of wood and leaves hung in the air like a lantern. Morgana stepped forward to feel dry dead leaves underneath her bare feet. The air was still, no single breeze blew in the air, everything was absolutely frozen. Crickets crooned the silent night sky, breaking it with their own music. Morgana wanted to escape this place; it was beginning to scare her. _

_There was a cry in the air, the cry of a baby. Morgana's heart pumped 10 times faster. Her hands immediately when to her stomach, flat, empty, nothing. Where was her child? Why are they separated? Morgana began to run towards the source of the cry. The worse thought came into her mind, how could she have been separated from her child? Her breathing became shallow when there was a bright flash of light._

_Morgana looked around, she was nowhere, and everything was white, blindingly white. _

"_Mummy, heal daddy,"_

"_Mummy, daddy is dying," _

"_Mummy, I can help you,"_

_It was a child's voice. It kept repeating the same sentences over and over again, each echoing over one another. _

"_Mummy, I can help you!" _

Morgana threw her body up. The gasp escaped her mouth rather loudly. She breathed quickly, the dream was another premonition. The voice, a child's voice calling her mummy, could it have been her baby? A seer, she was a seer which meant she had just seen what could happen. The child growing inside of her is powerful; it could give her the power to heal Merlin. It kept insisting that it could help. Morgana threw the blanket off her, quietly walking towards the door.

The light snores of Gaius were heard but other than that it was awfully quiet. Morgana walked towards where Merlin laid still and silent. She looked at him before kneeling down and lifting his tunic to reveal the wound. She unwrapped the bandage carefully to open the wound. Both her hands were brought close to the wound before a spell she has never ever used or even heard of began to form on her lips. It came out in whispers, Morgana's voice wasn't her own and her eyes turned bright gold.

Morgana's hand glowed, forming an orb made of golden white light. She pushed her hand towards Merlin's wound. The orb entered Merlin's body, the wound glowing as the skin began to pull itself. The glow moved around Merlin's body, making it glow everywhere. The spell was powerful and conjuring the orb was Morgana's first real magic use. It took her energy away, eyes drooping but she stayed long enough to see the glowing orb simply disappear inside Merlin's body.

**That's chapter 8 for you. Well, I hope this chapter met your expectations. What do you think; did Morgana heal Merlin with the help from their miracle baby? Well, we'll see in the next chapter.**


	9. Chapter 9

There was a slight sound of birds chirping, it seemed distant and echo-y but it was real enough nonetheless. Morgana moved slightly attempting to get up, her eyes barely opened yet though. Her head felt very heavy, in fact her whole body felt heavy to lift. Inhaling a vast amount of air, Morgana pushed her body up only to be held down by a force… or a hand.

"I believe you've earn a day in bed," a voice told her.

Her eyes shot open and her head was lifted to see the face in front of her. Merlin had a smile on his face; his eyes were soft on her.

"You're awake," her voice had a trace of disbelief.

"Because of you,"

Morgana looked around her. They were on Merlin's bed and he had been holding her the entire time she slept. She couldn't tell what time of the day was it but it could be near noon. The chirping sound came from the window and right enough there was a bird perched on the frame of the window.

"Thank you,"

Morgana looked at Merlin again, "Did it heal you?"

Merlin smiled once more, lifting his shirt in the process. Where the raw wound used to be now was a skin coloured scar. A scar but at least not a fragile bleeding gash, Morgana thought. She looked at the scar, she had done that and she knew it wasn't her magic alone. Merlin's hand brought her face to look at him, his eyes searched for hers.

"You healed more than just my scar and for that, thank you," Merlin pressed his lips against Morgana's. He pulled back and held Morgana for a period of time, "I'm so proud of you,"

"What for?"

"Conjuring that strong of a magic could not have been easy, Morgana," to hear him say her name again made her heart race. She knew it was silly to feel this way, it's not like they're just beginning to love each other but the circumstances she had been through, it made it seem like it had been a while since anything intimate ever happened between them.

"It didn't seem I was alone though, it seemed as though I was," Morgana thought of the right word to use, "assisted,"

"Assisted?"

Morgana's eyes dropped for a while. Her mind wandered about, thinking about the night before and how it felt like the magic was weighting her down. It took all her strength to muster up the magic needed to heal Merlin. Her chest felt tight when it began to grow in her and finally creating the glowing orb on the palm of her hands. Sparks were on her fingers, Morgana noticed, tiny little crackling lights that surged through Merlin when her fingers came in contact with his skin. She did not conjure the spark though, something else had, something accompanying her.

"Our baby," she said quietly.

Merlin was silent for a moment. Morgana still has yet to look up. She had mixed feelings inside of her, proud, but terrified. To know her child had created such magic even while inside her womb made her feel proud of the growing child, it was a miraculous deed. Her fear came when she thought of how her child could create such magic, could it live in this world without people looking at her child very differently, could they be in Camelot under Uther's ruling? Her child could be executed.

Morgana wrapped her arms around her growing body; no one will harm her child or even Merlin. If one ever so near and harms even a single strand of hair, she would set them on fire.

"Hey," Merlin tried to find her eyes.

The green crystals looked at him warily. He knew well enough what ran through her mind was bothering her and Merlin thinks he knows what was bothering her so much. He pulled her close, turning her around so her back rested against his chest. His chin found its way to her shoulders as he took her hands and wrapped it around her body. His palm rested against her stomach as her hands lay on top of his.

"As long as I'm alive, I won't let anyone hurt you or our child," Merlin promised, "I am so proud of what our baby can do,"

Merlin felt a light nudge against his palm. He smiled against Morgana's shoulders, there was so much going on, it seemed too much to take in all at once but Merlin knew everything will be going by fast and he would need to prepare. There was intelligence, power, beauty and magic growing within Morgana and the little bundle of joy would bring so much. For one second, it seemed surreal to Merlin.

-}-

Fingers drummed against the table as the Prince of Camelot stared off into space, deep in thought. A knock on the door surprised him out of his daze as his attention lead to the door.

"Come in," was his gruff reply. Whoever it was better had a good reason for disturbing his thoughts.

Merlin came in his chambers with his usual goofy grin. Arthur's jaw dropped for a moment before lifting himself off the chair to walk towards Merlin.

"Merlin! You're awake!"

"I am, yes,"

"How?"

"Oh… Gaius fixed some kind of cure,"

"Huh, he did it," Arthur paused for a moment before clapping both his hands against Merlin's shoulders, "Good to see you back, so I assume you can get back to work now,"

"Of course,"

"Great, I need you to polish my armour…" Arthur went on and on listing chores after chores for Merlin to do.

Merlin just grinned. He was glad to be back up and about and not suffering in silent pain. Returning to his work was something Merlin felt absolutely grateful for. Arthur could barely take care of himself and this field of work, taking care of people, was obviously not the substitute servant's best field. So, Merlin found himself in Arthur's room, rearranging the bed sheets, making sure it was flat with no crease in sight. He arranged Arthur's clothes properly – the tunics were just thrown into the cupboard so it was left on the floor of the cupboard. After Arthur's room was taken care of, Merlin took the armour and sword, beginning his least favourite chore, polishing, but he didn't complain or grumble today, in fact he was glad to be doing this instead.

By the time night fell, Merlin had done everything that was necessary. Arthur seemed impressed by Merlin's pace of work (not that he says it anyway, but his face betrays him for a moment). Bringing Arthur's dinner was his last duty before he would turn in for the night. His beloved would be waiting for him as always.

Merlin passed by Gwen in the corridors while Arthur's dinner was in one hand. After serving people for quite some time, Merlin had mastered the art of balancing plates in one hand with ease. Gwen seemed ecstatic to see Merlin up on his feet and moving about. She had given him a quick tight hug knowing he had to get to Arthur soon or else the prince would grumble like a child.

As expected, Arthur was pacing in his chambers; a serious facial expression masked his face.

"Ah Merlin, there you are," Arthur walked towards Merlin, passing by the surprised manservant, towards some clutter of objects by the door.

Merlin looked at Arthur searching the clutter and could only shake his head as he set the plate on the table and prepared the cutleries and poured the drink. It is so like Arthur to simply dump things and then misplace them within the pile he had created.

"Here, I need this cleaned by tomorrow and this shirt has got a hole, fix it and my chain, is my chain ready?"

"Yes, Arthur, the chain it ready, and what did you do to the shirt? Bite it?"

"Haha," Arthur sarcastically replied, "Just get it fixed,"

"Yes, sir, I there anything else I can do for you?"

Arthur lifted a finger and opened his mouth but nothing came out. Merlin raised an eyebrow.

"On second thought, nothing, you can be done after I'm done eating," Arthur went to the chair and sat before finally eating.

-}-

As Arthur promised, Merlin was dismissed from work right after he was done eating. Merlin grabbed his work for the night and left to the kitchen to leave the plate there. He had passed Sir Percival and Sir Leon on the way to Gaius' chambers, they seemed glad to see him up and working.

The castle walls glowed gold from the lit candles and the wind was cool, blowing through the windows as he passed an opened corridor. Merlin smiled for no reason at all. Come to think of it, he had been smiling for no reason at all for the entire day. It felt as if the heavy burden in him had been lifted, not entirely but it seemed as if there was someone assisting him with the weight, and he has never felt better. Well Morgana had made his life so much better but this is something else. This was a whole new level of lifted burden and Merlin had a feeling Morgana was somehow involved in it.

Morgana… What would he do if he hadn't had the guts to show her the true him? He often wondered what would happen to her if he hadn't.

When Merlin pushed the door to Gaius' chambers, the sight he saw shocked him out of his life. Morgana was lying on Gaius' bed as Gaius passed her some kind of clear drink in a small vile.

"Morgana, what's wrong?" Merlin ran by her side.

"It's just a cramp, it's normal for pregnant woman, Merlin," Morgana reasoned with a smile.

"Most other women don't have magic," Merlin muttered.

Morgana placed her hand on Merlin's cheeks, "Hey, I'm fine, you worry too much,"

Merlin smiled his goofy grin and blushed, "Really?"

"Yes,"

Gaius cleared his throat and looked at the two, "Well, Merlin she's right, you worry too much, she's fine; it's a normal thing, but Morgana" Gaius looked straight at Morgana, "Rest," his tone sounded like a father's.

Morgana got up and thanked Gaius before leaving the room to lie on Merlin's bed which she had grown comfortable to. Merlin sat beside her.

"You're sure you're fine?"

"Yes, you're such a worried daddy,"

Merlin blushed again, "I'm just looking out for you both,"

Merlin laid a hand against Morgana's stomach. The bump was obvious now; it made Merlin happy every single time that the reality of him being the father of the child that grew inside Morgana hit him. He leaned in a put his head against her stomach, his left ear pressed against it. He could see Morgana smiling at him.

_I love you, daddy_

The small child voice surprised him for a moment. Merlin knew right away that it was his child's voice; it couldn't have been anyone else's. Merlin smiled and whispered, "I love you too," too quiet for Morgana to even hear him properly. That was all he hears, the next second all was silent. And for a moment, Merlin was afraid. This world is too dangerous for his child to grow in. To think, the child of two powerful witch and wizard? Uther would have the child killed no matter its age.

Merlin stood up, too quickly that it shocked Morgana for a while. He stared out the window for a moment before finally composing a thoughtful face.

"You sleep first, I have polishing to do," Merlin leaned in and kissed Morgana's forehead, "Goodnight, love,"

"Good night, don't stay up too late,"

Merlin nodded before going out of his room. Thoughts invaded his mind; thoughts that made him want to shed tears of sadness and anger. This is not the world he wanted his child to grow in, he wanted his child to be free, to be able to live as how he wanted and not hide who he truly is. It seemed unfair.

Somehow, Merlin found himself in the forest, alone with fog coming out of his mouth. There he fell on his knees in a clearing, soft sniffling sound escaped from him. He's heard his child's voice; his child had told him that he or she loves him. If he couldn't fulfil his destiny of bringing magic back, Merlin felt as though he had let his child down. And so he had spent the night allowing the tears to stream down his face, letting the thoughts take over as he held on to the thoughts of Morgana and his unborn child.

**Hello!**

**Hi, I know I updated this chapter a little late. Don't kill me. And I'm sorry if this chapter sucks. Don't kill me again. Hey, guys, I won't be able to update this chapter for about 2 weeks. I have an exam (it starts today and ends Friday next week, AHH!). So, sorry, I'll try to update ASAP right after my exam. Anyways, hope you enjoyed this chapter. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi everyone. I know it took a very looooooooooonngggggg time to update. I'm not doing this on purpose really but I've just been on writer's block and I didn't know what to write that would make it sound interesting instead of the old boring simple sentences. Besides that I have this huge exam coming in November. Where I'm from, on you last year of school, you have this main exam which you have to pass or else you will have to repeat it till you pass. I'm pretty sure those kind of exams are everywhere around the world. Alright, I'm getting side-tracked. But I'll make it up to you, I'll put up chapter 10 and 11 up today and will try to update real soon. **

**Uh… Merlin's got anger issues in here?**

Chapter 10

Where had the days gone? That night made Merlin feel very depressed, as if the weight had returned and each breath he took seems short and cut. When the sun rose above the horizon, Merlin had come back to the castle with bloodshot eyes with dark bags underneath. He did not sleep. With arms crossed and eyes that had yet to find the definition of sleep, Merlin had laid on the ground watching the slew of trees and listened to the whispery wind. That was a few nights ago. When the sun had risen above the horizon, robotically, Merlin got up and walked towards the direction of the castle. He was mute and was silent the entire time he worked, barely listening to Arthur's constant criticism and sarcasm. And the night, he returned late, Morgana and Gaius already asleep. The tiredness had taken over and Merlin somehow had overslept, causing his sudden jerk but Morgana was there, comforting him, looking over him.

Merlin was working in Arthur's chambers today. The prince had gone out hunting with the knights. The room seemed as if a pig had rampaged through it, bed unmade, cloths left lying on the floor, papers strewn all over the table, it seemed simply Arthur to leave such an unmade room. One look at the room and Merlin placed the pail in hand by his foot. A sigh was released.

-}-

Morgana sat on the wooden bench as she watched Gaius worked his physician hands while brewing a new cure. Or so they hoped was a cure for the plague.

"Gaius, do you think there's something wrong with Merlin?"

"Yes, I do believe that, he's so…"

"Distant," Morgana finished the sentence, staring at the bubbling red liquid.

Gaius glanced at the young woman. Her worries were present in her face. The already pale skin lost its colouring making her look white as plain sheet. Raven hair framed her face, making it look small and thin, but her cheekbones were becoming more visible anyway. Her growth was very visible now considering it had been a month into her pregnancy. She was no longer wearing her princess dresses but instead wore the dresses Gwen had made for her. It was more floral, more light coloured, not like the bold colours of her princess gowns. The dresses made her look very sweet, less intimidating and very feminine.

Gaius made it a point to talk to Merlin later, ask the boy what was running through his mind that has made him so withdrawn. He would get up early in the morning and leave to do his work before coming back at night to say very few words while at dinner and later on turning in for some sleep. As Merlin always had been, his face may be easy to read but his mind held many untold secrets and tales and problems. Always the problems that bother him, so Gaius assumes this silent Merlin were battling many problems.

-}-

Merlin stood under the hot sun, waiting for Arthur to be done with his spar with the knights. He was battling Percival. It still baffles him as to why Percival could lose to Arthur considering the fact that Percival has the height advantage and has a slightly bigger built than Arthur. He assumes stamina and balance being the problem but the knights train on a daily basis. Maybe it was Arthur's status. Yes, maybe that was the main factor, despite Arthur's constant _demand_ to be treated equally during training. It would be the only time he would want to be treated "equally".

"Come on, Percival," Arthur taunted as he swung his sword; body bent and ready to attack or dodge. His face held a smirk and mocking blue eyes.

"You getting tired, sire?" Percival retorted with an accusing tone.

"Me? No, I'm just getting started," Arthur launched himself towards Percival, swinging his sword forward but not directly towards his opponent. Just missing the shoulder.

Merlin watched the two men fight, the sound of the metallic sword colliding one another filled the air. Training happens every two days in a week and it all ends the same way, with the knights bullying and making fun of Merlin. They weren't serious, Merlin knew that, but sometimes he wishes they would just stop because it does get irritating. Today was no different.

Merlin had just taken off Arthur's armour and lined them on the table by the ring. The silly jokes exchanged between the knights were ignored. That is until Merlin felt something hit the back of his head. His hands abruptly stopped all movement before his head turned sharply at all the laughing knights. The loud guffaws stopped all at once at the menacing face, Merlin has never looked so threatening. He balanced Arthur's armour into his arms and went away with an impressively fast pace considering the weight he was carrying.

Why was he so angry? This happened all the time, what difference does it make between today and a couple of days ago? Maybe it was because he was not particular in the best mood when he woke up this morning. Or maybe because he has had enough of being bullied and tormented because they think he was a stupid servant who serves the prince and is incapable of doing anything. All of them believed that he was nothing more than just some lowlife that actually deserved no place in the castle, they all believed that he was just a simpleton. If they could see how many times he has saved them from being a lowlife like him then maybe they would appreciate him a little more. Or they could strike him down on Uther's first command.

He knew he was being quiet and distant from everyone, making little conversation and barely smiled like a goofy child. That was what Morgana calls his smile anyway. Ah, Morgana… still the anchor of his life, still the one keeping his head sane. But he was pushing her away too, not too much but still. She was worried about him, every single day since he had been so…lifeless. He should make it up to her, cook her a warm dinner and eat it by the candlelight. Yes, that would be most romantic and the best way to tell her that he was sorry, so very sorry.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11, everyone, updated with chapter 10, just as I had said. I am really sorry for the long update, I honestly am busy with exam preparations. I hope the story isn't disappointing. ANywho, on with the story.**

**Enjoy!**

Somewhere in the thick deep forest, Merlin had found a pink and purple wild rose which he had crushed and filtered to obtain its oil. The small vial of oil would be enough to produce a sweet aroma when put over a burning slow fire. As he walks around the market place, the bustling environment was one that he was used to and all he usually did was look straight or on occasions, down. Today made no difference but just as he passed a flower stall, his strides came to halt. Slowly, he turned to the small stall, flowers framing it. Bright and fragrant, every single one of the flowers was beautiful and radiant under the bright sunlight and would make a perfect gift for a woman but his eyes were set on a bowl on the counter.

Sleek, brown and shiny, in the bowl were hazels. The nuts were still in its perfect shell, untouched since it's plucking from the tree. He never knew how rare or common it was to Camelot but the fact did not matter at the moment. It was the meaning it held that hit him. _Reconciliation_. The old woman behind the counter looked up at him and smiled. Her shaky hands grabbed one of the smooth shells and held it out to him, the hazel sat on her palm.

"You seem to need this, young man," her smile was sincere and it seemed, in her eyes, as if she knew the feelings Merlin felt.

And in days, Merlin cracked a smile, a non-forceful smile, "Yes, thank you," he took the hazel and left the woman a gold coin which he knew was more than what the hazel actually cost.

Merlin had told Gwen earlier that morning of his plan. To say she was delighted would be an understatement. She seemed ecstatic that he was returning back to himself. Honestly, Merlin missed his old self too. Days of being so different from how he usually is made him realize how stressful it was to push away the people who were practically your pillars of living. Gwen had lent her home, Merlin would cook dinner there and she would sneak Morgana out. This would be the first time Morgana would be out of the palace and she would be suspicious but Gwen knew she would do anything to fix the tense situation between her two friends.

The place was ready. Merlin had cooked chicken, the best meal he could think of. It was the meal his mother had taught him when he was back at the village. She taught him many things but this was his favourite and he knew Morgana would have liked it too. He had created a small bouquet of small white and purple flowers he had found outside. They were small but he hoped it was enough to please her. He could see Gwen and Morgana walking towards the house. The sun was halfway below the horizon, throwing its last rays for the day casting an orange shade to the darkening blue sky.

Gwen had knocked on the door before opening it, beckoning Morgana to enter first. When she did, Gwen closed the door behind her to leave for the palace. She would have Merlin's bed tonight, the two needed to clear things up. Morgana was surprised when the door closed but her surprise subsided at the sight of Merlin. Her jaw clenched for a moment but she loosened it in favour of proper talk instead of accusations. He had gone to her to take off her cloak, which she allowed. The air smelled of roses and food.

"I cooked us dinner," he had told her quietly.

He placed his hands on her shoulders then looked at her (or her profile), "Is that okay?" he asked, still in the same quiet tone.

She turned to him, a small curve on her lips as she nodded silently. Both of the, sat across each other at the table and began to silently enjoy the meal Merlin had prepared. It was warm. No conversation was exchanged but there were smiles and compliments from Morgana. When the plates were cleared and the table cleaned, they still sat across each other, this time awkwardly. Awkward for Morgana anyway. Until, Merlin slipped the hazel across to table and placed it right in front on Morgana, a string skilfully tied to it with a small piece of paper that one wrote one thing.

Reconciliation.

Morgana took it and stared at it for a moment. Many things ran into her mind lately but especially the thoughts of Merlin's feeling were thought about most. She was beginning to believe he was changing, she knew it was irrational to think so but the possibilities were there. Without her notice or permission, a tear fell from her eyes, streaming down her cheeks and dripping from her chin. Not a second later Merlin was beside her, holding her so impossibly close.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he kept repeating to her, not knowing whether she would forgive him or not. It didn't matter, she had to, and he would go to the end of the earth to obtain her forgiveness.

"Why?" was all she asked.

"I… I realized something, I felt as if our child wouldn't be able to live freely, not as free as how I imagined my child living, he or she wouldn't be able to use magic openly without the punishment of being executed, I heard our baby, Morgana, he or she had said they loved me, tell me how to accept the love that I clearly don't deserve? I was supposed to bring back magic to this land but every single day it just gets harder and harder, please, Morgana, forgive me,"

"You do deserve our child's love, you're his or her father, he or she knows that you are trying to do everything that is in your strength and knowledge to fulfil your destiny, you can't discriminate yourself that way,"

"What if I can't fulfil my destiny? What if I can't protect you and our child and all three of us end up in danger? I just…"

"No, you will fulfil your destiny, I can take good care of myself, and nothing will harm any of us; And I will always be here, right beside you, so don't you dare push me away again because I will always, always be here for you," her words were strong and so was her tone. This was not a simple heart-warming speech; this was a silent promise, and maybe a threat. Merlin looked at her, glassy eyes and all.

"You always had been the one to keep me grounded,"

"And I will always be your support, just remember that," her tone softened once more. She leaned in to hug him but only to be greeted by a kiss. It was gentle, soft, a wordless thank you and a show of appreciation. Merlin had always been good in that.

Morgana knew in her heart that she was not saying words just because it eased her lover's mind but it was truth, an undeniable one at that. His destiny was to bring back magic and make sure Arthur was king but her destiny, she believed, was to stay by his side and be the pillar he needs during the most frustrating moments.

**Hope that was okay. I've got a question, should be baby be a boy or a girl? Just asking for opinions, I'm cool with either one. Hopefully, I can get chapter 12 up soon. **


	12. Note - Please read

This is not a new chapter but just a note.

I haven't updated this story in a while I know *hides* but I have a reason for that. I have a very important exam at the moment. As in need to ace this to get into college. It ends early December so I'll be able to continue then.

And for those who actually enjoys this story, I am really really sorry. I'll make it up to you somehow.

-Holly


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